Also known by a few pseudonyms, was the face of the
Mushroom Kingdom for as long as we can remember. On the frequent occasion that
our then current princess was kidnapped, he was there to save her, without fail.
many believed it was staged, but we all know that these acts of heroism came from
exactly what the title entails.
Mario lived an adventurous life, full of koopas, goombas, fire spitting lizards,
and whatever else god decided to throw at him this time around. He was the paragon of
Heroicism, his visage plastered on billboards, the News- anything that could feature him,
did.
Also a famed detail on Mario and our then princess, was their unscrupulous sexual affairs.
Mario was nothing but a sour old fatass of a brooklyn man- who would take any and all chances to fuck over his brother.
The shame that would follow him in the years after he and the princess' 'untimely' breakup was entirely justified.
A legend engraved into the side of the castle wall[1]:
OINK, OINK, JUMPMAN.
[1] As of the current day, the kingdom officials are still unable to remove these engravings. Whether due to the artistic
skill of the engraver, or the incompetence of the Mushroom Kingdom 'police,' is unknown.
